Yeah, It's been a while.

Holy Shit! It's Thursday already! I hvent been up to much. Watching and listening to a lot of comedy. Most notably Dane Cook and Mitch Hedberg. Eventually I'll post some samples of Dane but, yeah, I'm one lazy son bitch so you'll have to wait.

I bought new shoes and, boy, they are the coolest kicks in the cave! Oh hell yes. They make me feel like a superhero. I wear them and want to go around beating scumbags and wailing on my electric guitar while wearing a super-ninja outfit then start whipping muffins at under privileged kids so they can experience the wonders of an upper middle class up bringing.

Oh and can I just say lets all remember the true meaning of Easter and spend some time reflecting on the true greatness of that phenomenal personage that is the Easter Bunny.

I'm gonna be away for the weekend so please forgive me if you are without my expert leadership for a few days.

Mothefucker.

Are you ready? Lets begin.

It is Saturday. I have established a number of things:

1. Women are confusing and usually don't know what they want untill it's too late.
2. I will never understand women. Never.
3. Corn on the cob is truly fantastic. If you don't agree then you are a communist facist.
4. Ginger ale is also incredible. I am debating whether it is more, or less, incredible than corn on the cob, for now it is comparable.
5. Gloabal warming is a fact. It reached a high of 17 degrees celsius here today. Not very high at all by some standards but when one considers that the average summer temperature in Ireland is approximately 19 degrees celsius, it is quite impressive.
6. I quite like both The Fast and The Furious and 2 Fast 2 Furious. This goes against my better judgement and I am mildly ashamed to admit it. But everyone has to agree that the cop chick in the second one is HOT!
7. Galaxy chocolate is stickier than Cadburys chocolate. I have as yet not decided which brand is better. Both have their pros and cons.
8. As I grow older my disdain for scooters increases and my annoyance with the owners of such vehicles increases proportionally.
9. Sleep is vital.

I have an iceberger in the freezer I'm going to go eat that shit and watch some TV.

Motherfucker.

Fucking "Paddys Day"

Yeah so today was "Paddys Day" or Saint Patricks Day as it should be known, but like virtually everything in todays society the sentiment and purpose behind St. Patricks day has been lost and the occasion has been mutated into some preverse commercial excercise in cheap advertising and rampant advertising. I was at the parade today. I havent been at a St. Patricks day parade for yers upon years. It was shit. The Irish air force did a fly by. Do you want to know what the Irish air force consists of? 5 fucking turbo prop aircraft! yes 5, FIVE! If we had been invaded today, Ireland would have been fucked, royally. I mean we used to have jets but then they were decommisioned and we get turbo props! I mean for fuck sake if the most loser of countries have jet fighters. Not us though. Anyway that wasnt the most annoying thing. The most annoying thing was that there were only 2 floats. The rest of the parade was just god damn Ford Transit vans dragging some random shit along behind it. Fucking Transit Vans! Most of them were covered in some sort of flagrant, unimaginative advertising and then a little flag or paper shamrock to mark the day. I am so not going next year. Heap of shit.
If I was Superman would have been wailing on everyone at that utter farce of a parade. I've never seen more boy scouts in my life. We probably have more little bitch scouts in the country than soldiers. The scouts with hurleys are our first line of defense, I think. God knows the air force, actually its called the "air corps" (lets face it, its not a force), couldn't stop an attack. Actually it couldn't stage an attack either.
Motherfucker.

Titanic Tuesday

Why Titanic Tuesday? I hear you ask. Because right around fucking lunch time it sank like a badly built ship hit in the face and then kicked square in the nuts by a massive hunk of floating ice, yes an ice berg for you smartasses.Yeah, square in the nuts. Zap! No fucking children for Tuesday. Why did it sink so dramtically? Simple, there was the worst atmosphere I have ever experienced in college today. Maybe people are just anxious to get their holidays or maybe they all just hate my guts because of my keen intellect, incredibly sharp sense of humour and my ability to make people spontaneously fall over. That or some people are just ass holes.

Yeah so anyway, I have this lecturer from Co.Clare, a small rural county in Ireland for the ill-educated among you, and he has the thickest country accent of any lecturer, EVER. To keep the class from going all out crazy he flakes(translation: forcefully strikes) a table with a metal bar thats been lying around the class for a few weeks. Now as if that wasn't hilarious enough, because of his accent, the word "stick" comes out as "shtick". So when he said "Now, where's my shtick" I almost cracked up but contained myself due to images of him flaking my head with his "shtick" and feasting on the oxygenated, blood rich goo that would gush forth.

Another thing that came up today, whats the deal with Principalities? Are they too good to be a democracy but not good enough to be a monarchy? Fucking hipster countries, "oh Daddy gave me this country, I'm a prince you know! scoff scoff". Oh yeah and John Baptist, you're absoltely fucking right my man. Hipsters fuck hipsters to make more hispters, untill eventually there will be legions of homgenous men and women taking over the planet, wearing the current "in" clothes, sorry, "fashions", and listening to the "in artists". Artists, what a stupid fucking term. Do you paint the damn album? I didnt fucking think so.
Motherfucker.

Monday - A second rant

So everyday I'm in college I appreciate more and more just how ignorant some people are. Today we had a lecture, the last before our holidays but a whole row, if not more, of people insisted on speaking at the top of their voices so that everyone, including the lecturer, could hear them. I mean come on to fuck! We're third year business students for fuck sake. Can't you shut the hell up for forty minutes to do some work on something you are supposedly meant to be interested in since you have been studying it for 3 damn years! Then the worst part, like 10 minutes after the lecturer told them to keep it down they statrted up again! Believe it or not I dont give two shits what Orla or Eibhlin, or whoever the fuck they were talking about, did over the weekend!
Today wasnt all bad though, we went back to that age old discussion of whether the blonde plastic wannabe hipster has had a nose job. There is compelling evidence for both sides of the story. And we established just how much fake tan Gerbil uses and ingests to keep himself looking so healthily brown.
Motherfucker

Monday - A rant

Is it just me or does everyone dislike Mondays? I used to think it was just a generalisation but since september I have really come to dislike Mondays. I mean its 11.20 am and my day hasn't even started yet. I have to college at 12 and Im stuck there untill 5. How bad!? Some of you say, but I've been up since 6.15 am! Thats almost 6 hours spent waiting to go college. This Monday better be over soon, oh yeah wait its not over for another 6 fucking hours. At least I get to give out to Rob about Overheardinnewyork.com Has anyone been there? It used to be a really cool site but now the publishers/editors have gotten all nazi-like and don't allow me post comments there anymore. Motherfuckers. I'm going to brush my teeth.

Oh yeah!

Lemon meringue pie fucking rules! Man, I love that stuff. It's totally the shiznit.

Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome, Come on in

Yeah, so thanks for visiting my blog. How are you? I'm new at all this but I really like the idea of blogs so I've decided to post all the random shit that comes to my mind during the day, week month, year, whatever. Like what do impersonation Santas do for the other 10 or 11 months of the year? Are they unemployed? Do they have a union? Or just the longest holidays of any workforce, ever! Oh and does anyone know the origin of the saying "Push the envelope"? Anyway I love pushing the envelope, not enough to become a mailman though, too much cycling and beating up dogs for my liking. And some dogs can fight back so if you meet one of them Bam! You're fucked. Ok, I'm gonna give it a rest but I'll post again soon. Thats if anyone is reading this...