BIG SPIDER!
I just saw one BIG SPIDER! I was going downstairs to partake of some delicious biscuits, to compliment my blog viewing of course, when the stairs started to tremble and shake. Plaster began to fall from the ceiling, I had to grip the bannister with all my might to keep from falling down like Rob after 4 pints. Then a ghastly, otherworldy shadow was thrown across the wall. A BIG SPIDER trundled into my path. He leveled his 8 eyes at me and demanded "Where are my cookies, boy?". I swallowed my fear and ejected the following reply from deep within my bowls "I don't have any BIG SPIDER cookies, only Ian cookies."
The big bastard wasn't happy. "Where are my damn cookies!?" He exclaimed. I retreated to the relative safety of my stylishly decorated bedroom to obtain my secret weapon which has rested unused for weeks. I lifted it from its place of honour and returned to do battle with the BIG SPIDER. He opened his big, puss filled mouth yet again and began to boom "WHERE ARE MY D........" "I've had just about enough of this shit" I thought to myself. It's time to get maverick on his ass. I unsheathed my glistening celtic short sword and approached the BIG SPIDER. I could see the magnificient reflection in all 8 of his beady, hate filled eyes. As he processed what he was witnessing the hate turned to something else. Pants wetting fear.
He looked down on me and said "You aint got no damn BIG SPIDER cookies, crazy ass bitch." he turned and plunged through the window, and part of the wall, holding 2 of his 6 legs between his other 6 legs. "Use the freakin' door next time you pansy BIG SPIDER!" I shouted after him.
True story.
The big bastard wasn't happy. "Where are my damn cookies!?" He exclaimed. I retreated to the relative safety of my stylishly decorated bedroom to obtain my secret weapon which has rested unused for weeks. I lifted it from its place of honour and returned to do battle with the BIG SPIDER. He opened his big, puss filled mouth yet again and began to boom "WHERE ARE MY D........" "I've had just about enough of this shit" I thought to myself. It's time to get maverick on his ass. I unsheathed my glistening celtic short sword and approached the BIG SPIDER. I could see the magnificient reflection in all 8 of his beady, hate filled eyes. As he processed what he was witnessing the hate turned to something else. Pants wetting fear.
He looked down on me and said "You aint got no damn BIG SPIDER cookies, crazy ass bitch." he turned and plunged through the window, and part of the wall, holding 2 of his 6 legs between his other 6 legs. "Use the freakin' door next time you pansy BIG SPIDER!" I shouted after him.
True story.
posted by Ian at 11:47 p.m.
23 Comments:
I'm going to come back and eat your face.
stylishly decorate bedroom eh?
Care to show me around
"I don't have any BIG SPIDER cookies, only Ian cookies." = best response ever.
Theres not much to see. Bed, wardrobe, shelves for clothes, desk, my friends say I have the coolest carpet ever. Oh I have a laundry basket also. It's nearly full. Oh and its painted a pale blue colour.
"A BIG SPIDER trundled..."
Trundled = cool word.
Nice use of adjectives.
I like cock
Apparently Ian (or the person pretending to be Ian) and I have something in common.
ian i think your cynicism and my jadedness should meet up for a beer some time! somewhere in the mid-atlantic is preferable!
I like my cock...
An impersonator on my own blog, I dont know whether to be flattered or worried.
Isnt iceland, or maybe greenland, in the mid-atlantic? Well mid north atlantic anyway.
Atractiva - I can't believe you're trying to steal this one away right from under my nose.
I FOUND HIM, DAMNIT!
YO CANADIAN BITCHES! I found him first. Back off!
Jessie I know that you actually found him first but whatever.
HE'S MINE
*crackles fiendishly*
(heheheh)
See Robert I told you it was the J-walking. Maybe throw a few bricks in some shop windows as well. That would really seal the deal.
Crime = hot.
Damn that was a total rush. I'm just back from putting money into expired parking meters. It was totally sweet.
*purrs like a cat*
Speaking of - where are the Canadian ladies? I was hoping to start a little cat fight.
aww shucks.
:(
*pout*
Yeah, I was hoping to watch you fight them. I guess they are not made out of as stern stuff as you.
DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE BEAN IS COOKING?
I smile, laugh and contemplate an answer but have no idea what you mean
WWF wrestling reference - The Rock -catch phrase Do you smell what the rock is cooking? would be the line. His special move is the "people's Elbow."
You might have seen some of his fine films:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0425005/
I am frequently called Bean as it is one of my many nicknames (and it works well for either Sabine or Lena)
I love the rock. I used to get so excited when he delivered the Rock Bottom or threw off his elbow pad to land the most electrifying move in sports entertainment today. Fuck, I'm a dorky nerd bastard.
True that.
I think we function in different time zones. Hence the delayed responses. Plus, Canadians are a peace-loving bunch. I'd much rather share Ian with you than fight you for him.
I'm a swede. I have raging viking blood coursing through my veins even though now a days most Swedes are pretty politically "chill" so to speak and our army is a joke but some of us still contain the fury of olden days. (odin days har har har)
Ok.
In that case, I guess you can have Ian.
You were here first anyway.
(P.S. No - that's not what we said to the Natives when we stole their land away from them... but I'd like to think we've grown since then...)
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